"There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't"
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/frustrations/5aa9/
[ Þetta er Óþarfi ]

Never underestimate the power of friendship
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle.It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend the next afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends felt the same.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!"He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasnt me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him!Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, youll be great!"He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends.I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over that weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldnt have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
[ þetta er óþarfi ]

Stórir Steinar
Dag einn var sérfræðingur í tímaskipulagningu að tala fyrir framan hóp viðskiptafræðinema. Til að koma meiningu sinni almennilega til skila, þá notaði hann sýnikennslu sem nemendurnir gleyma aldrei.
Þar sem hann stóð fyrir framan þennan hóp af metnaðarfullu fólki, þá sagði hann: "Jæja, þá skulum við hafa próf." Hann tók upp 5 lítra krukku með stóru víðu opi, og setti hana á borðið fyrir framan sig. Svo tók hann um það bil 10 hnefastóra steina og varfærnislega kom þeim fyrir í krukkunni, einn af einum.
Þegar krukkan var full, og ekki hægt að koma fleiri steinum í hana, þá spurði hann: "Er krukkan full?" Allir í bekknum svöruðu: "Já."
"Jæja?" sagði hann. Hann teygði sig undir borðið og tók upp fötu með möl. Því næst sturtaði hann smá möl í krukkuna og hristi hana um leið sem orsakaði það að mölin komst niður í holrúmin á milli stóru steinanna. Svo spurði hann hópinn aftur: "Er krukkan full?"
Í þetta sinn grunaði nemana hvað hann var að fara. "Sennilega ekki," svaraði einn þeirra. "Gott!" svaraði sérfræðingurinn. Hann teygði sig undir borðið og tók upp fötu af sandi. Hann hellti úr henni í krukkuna og sandurinn rann í öll holrýmin sem eftir voru milli malarinnar og stóru steinanna.
Enn spurði hann: "Er krukkan full?" "NEI!" æptu nemendurnir. Aftur svaraði hann: "Gott!"Hann tók því næst könnu af vatni og hellti í krukkuna þar til hún var alveg full.
Svo leit hann á bekkinn og spurði: "Hver er tilgangur þessarrar sýnikennslu?"
Einn uppveðraður nemandinn rétti upp höndina og sagði, "Tilgangurinn er að sýna, að það er sama hversu full dagskráin hjá þér er, ef þú virkilega reynir, þá geturðu alltaf bætt fleiri hlutum við!"
"Nei." Svaraði sérfræðingurinn. "Það er ekki það sem þetta snýst um. Sannleikurinn sem þetta dæmi kennir okkur er þessi: Ef þú setur ekki stóru steinana í fyrst, þá kemurðu þeim aldrei fyrir."
[ þetta er óþarfi ]

Who is Jack Schitt?
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you dont know Jack Schitt."
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O.Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. In spite of her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 childern, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a duel ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "you dont know Jack Schitt" you can correct them.
[ þetta er óþarfi ]

Komdu vel fram við manninn þinn

1. Hafðu kvöldmatinn tilbúinn á réttum tíma. Það veitir honum þá tilfinningu að þú hafir verið að hugsa um hann og að þér sé annt um þarfir hans. Flestir karlmenn eru svangir þegar þeir koma heim og tilbúinn matur er hluti af því að láta hann finna hversu velkominn hann er heim, en það er karmönnum nauðsynlegt.


2. Notaðu 15 mín. til að snyrta þig og skipta um föt áður en hann kemur. Hann er að koma heim úr leiðinlegri og erfiðri vinnu og er þreyttur. Vertu svolítið hress og skemmtileg til að hressa hann við.


3. Taktu upp allt rusl og dót. Farðu eina umferð um húsið og safnaðu saman skólabókum, leikföngum, pappírsrusli og blöðum. Renndu svo tusku yfir borðin til að þurrka af og þrífa svolítið. Eiginmanni þínum mun finnast hann kominn í friðarparadís og það hefur mikið að segja fyrir hann.


4. Snyrtu börnin til. Það tekur aðeins nokkrar mínútur að þrífa hendur og andlit og greiða þeim. Ef þarf, skaltu láta þau skipta um föt. Þau eru hans fjársjóður og hann vill sjá þau þannig.


5. Sjáðu til þess að húsið sé hljóðlátt. Slökktu á öllum vélum, s.s. uppþvottavél, þvottavél, þurrkara og ryksugu. Reyndu að sjá til þess að börnin hafi hljótt. Taktu á móti honum með glöðu brosi.


6. Gættu þess að hella ekki yfir hann kvörtunum þegar hann kemur. Ekki heldur kvarta þó hann komi of seint í mat. Þú getur verið viss um að þínar kvartanir eru minniháttar í samanburði við það sem hann hefur þurft að þola yfir daginn.


7. Sjáðu til þess að hann hafi það þægilegt. Láttu hann halla sér aftur á bak í hægindastól eða stingdu upp á því að hann halli sér smástund í rúmið. Vertu tilbúinn með kaldan eða heitan drykk handa honum. Bjóddu honum að klæða hann úr skónum og hagræddu púðunum undir honum. Ræddu við hann með rólegri, mjúkri röddu. Leyfðu honum að slaka á.


8. Láttu hann ráða kvöldinu. Ekki kvarta þó hann fari ekki með þig út að borða eða á aðrar skemmtanir, reyndu í stað þess að skilja að hann hefur fengið sinn skerf af streitu og látum yfir daginn og þarfnast hvíldar heima.


9. Markmiðið er að gera heimilið að stað þar sem eiginmaður þinn getur fundið frið og reglu og getur slakað á eftir erfiðan dag.

(Úr kennslubók í heimilisfræði síðan 1950.)
[ þetta er óþarfi ]

For my friends
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 anils into the fence.Over the next few weeks, as he learnes to control his temper, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.He descovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.Finally the day came when the boy didn´t lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.The weeks passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said:"You´ve done well, son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won´t matter how many times you say youre sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us".
[ þetta er óþarfi ]